Best Conversation Starters for Dating Apps [2026]

"Hey" is the most common opening message on dating apps. It's also the most ignored. OkCupid data shows that "Hey" has an 84% chance of being completely ignored. Yet most guys keep sending it, wondering why conversations never start.

This is not another article about Hinge profile prompts (the questions you answer on your profile). This is about what you say after you match. The first message you send on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or any dating app. The one that determines whether a match becomes a conversation, or another dead notification.

The data is clear: personalized openers dramatically outperform generic greetings. Here are the five types of conversation starters that actually work, with word-for-word examples you can adapt.

The Data: Why Your Opener Matters

Before we get to the actual openers, let's look at what the data says. These aren't opinions. These are findings from OkCupid, Hinge, and behavioral research studies.

The gap is massive. Hinge data shows that likes with a comment are twice as likely to lead to a date. OkCupid found that generic greetings like "Hey" fail 84% of the time. The pattern is clear across every platform: specific beats generic.

Why? Three psychological principles at work: cognitive ease (a specific question is easy to process and respond to), low commitment (it doesn't feel like an interrogation), and reciprocity (you put in effort, so she feels inclined to match it).

Type 1: The Observation

What it is: Comment on something specific you noticed in their profile, then ask about it. This is the highest-performing opener category.

Hinge data shows that likes sent with a comment are twice as likely to lead to a date compared to likes alone. And 72% of daters say they are more likely to consider someone when a like includes a personalized message.

Why it works: It proves you actually looked at her profile instead of mass-messaging everyone. It's flattering without being creepy. And it gives her something specific and easy to respond to.

Pro tip: Pets are one of the easiest things to comment on. Everyone loves talking about their dog or cat. If there's a pet in any of their photos, that's your easiest opening.

Type 2: The Playful Question

What it is: A fun, low-pressure question that's easy to answer and sparks a genuine back-and-forth.

OkCupid data consistently shows that messages with questions outperform statements. The key is making the question fun, not boring. A playful question about food, travel, or a hypothetical scenario beats "What do you do for work?" every time.

Why it works: Questions reduce decision fatigue. She doesn't have to figure out how to respond. She just answers. And playful questions create a game-like dynamic that feels more like banter than an interview.

Pro tip: Food-related opening lines are 40% more likely to get a reply, according to Hinge data. When in doubt, ask about food.

Type 3: The Shared Interest

What it is: Connecting over something you genuinely have in common, showing you read her profile and found overlap.

Why it works: Shared interests create instant rapport. She's not responding to a stranger. She's talking to someone who gets it. It also opens up natural follow-up conversations because you both have something to contribute.

Important: Only use this if you genuinely share the interest. Pretending to like something just to open a conversation will fall apart by message three.

Type 4: The Witty Comment

What it is: A clever, funny observation or comment that shows personality without trying too hard.

An Irrational Labs study that sent over 1,200 messages across 5 US cities on Tinder found that women were 12% more likely to reply to humorous messages than earnest ones. Humor was the single biggest differentiator between messages that got replies and those that didn't.

Why it works: Humor signals intelligence, social awareness, and confidence. It makes you memorable. The key is that it should feel natural, not like a rehearsed comedy routine. Witty beats try-hard every time.

Warning: There is a fine line between witty and try-hard. Research shows that canned pickup lines make you seem lower in intelligence and trustworthiness. If it sounds like something you copied off the internet, skip it.

Type 5: The Bold/Direct Approach

What it is: Confident, straightforward, and clear about your interest or intentions without being creepy.

Hinge data shows that men are 98% more likely to respond to invitational and assertive messages. While that stat is about men, the principle applies both ways: directness signals confidence. And confidence is universally attractive.

Why it works: Most guys are vague and non-committal in their openers because they are afraid of rejection. Being direct stands out because so few people do it. It also moves the conversation forward faster, which is what both people want.

When to use this: The direct approach works best when you have strong photos and a complete profile. If she has already matched with you, she's interested. Being direct respects both your time and hers.

Opener Type Comparison

Here is how the five opener types stack up based on the research:

The Observation consistently wins because it combines personalization (she feels seen) with ease of response (she just answers your question). Use it as your default.

What NOT to Send

Some openers actively hurt your chances. Here are the worst offenders and why:

The Copy-Paste Problem

OkCupid co-founder Christian Rudder found that copy-paste messages are 25% less effective than personalized ones. Even worse, experienced dating app users have sharp "template detection" radar. If your message reads like something you sent to 50 other people, she can tell.

That does not mean you need to write poetry for every match. Have a framework (like the five types above), then personalize the details. The structure can be templated. The content should not be.

Grammar Matters More Than You Think

Multiple surveys show that poor grammar is a major turnoff on dating apps, with women twice as likely as men to judge matches for it. That "your" vs "you're" mistake is not just a typo. It is a signal of carelessness that colors everything else she reads from you.

The Timing Factor

When you send your opener matters almost as much as what you send.

The first 24 hours after matching is your golden window. Interest and curiosity are at their peak. Wait too long and she has already moved on to the next match.

Platform-Specific Tips

Tinder Conversation Starters

Tinder profiles are often minimal. Less bio text means fewer observation hooks, so playful questions and witty comments tend to work best here.

• Keep it short. 15-25 words maximum.
• Reference her photos if her bio is empty. There is always something to comment on.
• More than half of Tinder conversations never make it past the first message. Yours needs to stand out immediately.
• Humor works especially well on Tinder due to the casual vibe.

Bumble Conversation Starters

On Bumble, women message first. But many women also struggle with openers (studies show women's first messages are just as likely to be "Hey"). When she opens, your response becomes your real opener. Make it count.

• If she sends "Hey," don't mirror it back. Elevate the conversation with an observation or playful question.
• Using her name makes your response feel personal rather than copy-pasted. Small detail, big difference.
• Her opener tells you her effort level. Match or exceed it, never lower it.

Hinge Conversation Starters

Hinge gives you the most material to work with. Prompts, detailed bios, and the ability to comment directly on specific content. Use it.

• Likes with a comment are twice as likely to lead to a date than likes alone (Hinge data).
• The Observation type dominates on Hinge because there is so much to reference.
• Don't confuse this with Hinge profile prompts. Prompts are what you put on your profile. Conversation starters are what you send after matching.
• Comment on her prompt answers, not just her photos. Prompt-based likes are 47% more likely to lead to dates.

The Real Secret: It's Not Just the Opener

Here is the uncomfortable truth that most "dating tips" articles skip: your opener is only as effective as your profile.

Research from the University of Amsterdam analyzing 5,340 real swiping decisions found that photos have roughly 10x the impact of text on dating app success. Photo improvements boosted match rates by 18 percentage points. Text improvements? Just 2%.

Think of it this way: your photos determine whether she reads your message. Your opener determines whether she responds. The best conversation starter in the world goes unread if your photos don't create enough interest to open the chat.

If you are getting matches but conversations die, your messaging needs work. If you are not getting matches at all, your photos need work first.

The Quick-Reference Cheat Sheet

Save this for when you match and need a fast framework:

1. Look at her profile. Find one specific thing: a photo location, a pet, a hobby, a prompt answer, an interest.
2. Comment on it. Show you noticed. Be genuine.
3. Ask about it. End with a question that is easy to answer.
4. Keep it short. 15-25 words. One to two sentences.
5. Send it fast. Within the first hour if possible. Within 24 hours at most.

That is the formula. Observation + question + brevity + speed. Do that and you are already ahead of 80% of guys on dating apps.

Frequently Asked Questions

The Bottom Line

The bar for dating app openers is on the floor. Most guys send "Hey." That means even a moderately personalized message puts you in the top 20% of conversations she receives.

Use the Observation as your default. Comment on something specific in her profile, ask a question about it, keep it under 25 words, and send it within the first hour. That alone will dramatically improve your response rate.

But remember: openers are a multiplier, not a magic trick. They multiply the interest your photos create. If you are not getting matches, fix your photos first. If your bio has issues, fix those too. Then come back here and start sending openers that actually get read.

Sources

• OkCupid OkTrends first message response data
• Hinge official newsroom: Convo Starters, Love Lessons, and Prompt Feedback reports (2024-2025)
• Irrational Labs Tinder humor study (1,200+ messages across 5 US cities)
• University of Amsterdam dating profile research (Witmer, Rosenbusch & Meral, 2025)
• Christian Rudder, Dataclysm (OkCupid co-founder, messaging data)
• WordTips / Preply grammar and dating surveys