Why She Stopped Responding (Your Dating Coach Is Lying to You)

Your dating coach is lying to you.

There's nothing wrong with your texting.

I spent months thinking there was. Getting ghosted on dating apps constantly. No matches on Tinder. The few girls who replied on Hinge or Bumble would stop responding after a message or two.

So I did what everyone says to do. I worked on my openers. Tried to be funnier. More interesting. More flirty.

Nothing worked.

Then I fixed my photos. And suddenly, I didn't need to try anymore.

Almost overnight, girls stopped ghosting me. Many of them started double-texting when I didn't respond fast enough. One girl literally told me "you're everything I want on paper" after we'd barely talked. Girls would re-ping me hours later if I hadn't replied yet.

And here's the kicker: I completely stopped trying so hard.

I wasn't crafting witty openers anymore. I wasn't being more interesting or clever. I was literally just asking simple questions that actually interested me:

• "What are you passionate about?"
• "What are you looking for?"
• "What's your life goal?"

Boring. Basic. The kind of stuff dating coaches tell you to avoid.

But it worked. Because the problem was never my texting.

The Lie Every Dating Coach Tells You

Most guys who keep getting ghosted on Bumble or Hinge think it's their texting. They Google "why did she stop responding" and read advice about being funnier or more interesting. They think:

"If I could just figure out the right thing to say..."

"If I was funnier, she'd respond..."

"If I was more interesting, she wouldn't ghost me..."

And look, most guys' texting does suck. But fixing it is like polishing your golf swing when you're playing with broken clubs. You're solving the wrong problem.

The science is brutal on this. Researchers Cowan and Little found that the exact same jokes are rated as significantly funnier when people believe they came from an attractive person. Same joke. Same delivery. Different rating based purely on attractiveness.

Think about that for a second. Your actual message doesn't change. Your humor doesn't change. Your personality doesn't change. But how she perceives all of it changes dramatically based on one thing: whether she finds you attractive in your photos.

This is called the halo effect, and it's one of the most well-documented phenomena in psychology.

Your Dating Profile Photos Create a Filter on Everything You Say

When a girl sees your profile, she makes a judgment about you in less than a second. Research shows we form impressions of faces in as little as 100 milliseconds. That's faster than you can blink.

If your dating app photos are mediocre, she's now looking at everything you say through a negative filter. Even your best message gets downgraded.

• That witty opener? "Trying too hard."
• That thoughtful question? "Kind of boring."
• That playful tease? "Weird."

But when your photos are strong, she's looking at the exact same messages through a positive filter:

• That witty opener? "He's actually funny."
• That thoughtful question? "He seems genuinely interested."
• That playful tease? "He's confident and fun."

A massive study across 45 countries found that attractive people are automatically perceived as more confident, intelligent, trustworthy, and sociable. They don't act more confident. They're just seen that way because of how they look in their photos.

What Changed When I Fixed My Photos

After I improved my dating profile pictures, I noticed I wasn't anxious about texting anymore, and I went from 2-3 matches per month to 30-40 per week just by fixing this one thing.

I didn't feel pressure to be interesting or clever. I didn't worry about saying the wrong thing. I just talked to them like normal people.

And they were receptive. Girls would carry the conversation. They'd ask me questions back. They'd re-engage when things got quiet. Some would even double-text me.

The difference wasn't what I was saying. The difference was how they perceived what I was saying.

When a girl is attracted to you from your photos, she's already invested. She wants the conversation to go well. She's giving you the benefit of the doubt on everything.

So you don't need to try so hard. You don't need to be a texting guru. You just need to not completely blow it.

The Real Reason You're Getting No Replies (And No Matches)

Here's why this is such a trap: when your photos are weak, you can sometimes still get matches. Especially if you're swiping a lot or if you're in a big city.

So you think, "Okay, I'm getting matches. The problem must be my texting."

But the matches you're getting are lukewarm at best. These girls swiped right, but they're not excited. They're not invested. And when you message them, they're looking for a reason to not respond.

That's why everything you say falls flat. That's why she ghosted you over the smallest things. That's why you feel like you're walking on eggshells trying not to mess it up.

You're not bad at texting. You're just trying to overcome a massive disadvantage that better photos would solve instantly.

If you're getting matches but no replies, or wondering "why am I not getting matches," the answer is almost always your photos. Whether you're getting no matches on Bumble, no matches on Hinge, or matches that go nowhere, it comes back to the same thing.

How to Get More Responses (And More Matches)

The fix is simple but most guys don't do it because they don't realize this is the actual problem.

Stop working only on your texting. Start working on your dating app photos.

Get photos that make you look genuinely attractive. Not just "decent" or "good enough." Actually good.

This doesn't mean you need to be naturally attractive. It means you need photos that capture you at your best. Good lighting, good angles, clothes that fit well, doing something interesting.

Once your photos are strong, texting gets easier. You can ask simple questions. You can be yourself. You don't have to put on a show or try to be someone you're not.

Because she's already attracted. And when she's attracted, everything you say just works better.

Frequently Asked Questions

Sources

Cowan, M. L., & Little, A. C. (2013). The attractiveness halo effect and humor. Personality and Individual Differences.

Batres, C., & Shiramizu, V. (2022). Examining the "attractiveness halo effect" across cultures. Current Psychology.